i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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