I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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