sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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