So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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