I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
