I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
