somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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