I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hippo gnu deer
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
