Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
