pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
