R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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