so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
