Pappa wants mamma naked
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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