I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I am morally bankrupt
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
