she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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