fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
