Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
