my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
