I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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