this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I party with great urgency now.
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