Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
