Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
