he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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