I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
