The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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