i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
