youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
