So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
