I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
