he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
