he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
