do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
