i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Four minutes until I can fart!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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