Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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