see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
