let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
