standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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