Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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