also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
