I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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