Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
