That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
