My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
