____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize