Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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