He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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