you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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