How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
