My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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