there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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