Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
