PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
