Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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