There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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