8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
