I puked a lego.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
