O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
