Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
