She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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