Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
