We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize