I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's blow job season.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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