You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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