hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
