we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're a waste of cheezeits
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
