alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
