Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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