After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
