): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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