remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
