Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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